


Happy Meal

by abyssalconnection



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Gen, there is blood but not enough for it to be a major depiction of violence imo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23982157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abyssalconnection/pseuds/abyssalconnection
Summary: Anankos... is working at McDonald's after killing one of the cashiers and assuming his position. Why did he do this? Boredom. He now needs to find a way to satisfy his bloodlust and his overwhelming urge to fuck with people... so it's convenient for him when a certain pineapple makes an appearance.
Kudos: 5





	Happy Meal

**Author's Note:**

> This is the definition of a crackfic. I wrote this on November 18, 2018, most likely as an inside joke with a friend, but I definitely don't remember the context or who would ever decide putting up with this kind of shenanigans was beneficial. I found it today in my notes app. As it was written so long ago, I've had to do some touching up to fix grammar issues and make the story flow better overall. In addition, the story straight up wasn't finished. It stopped towards the end, so I've had to step in and finish it myself. If I did a good enough job, the transition between old and new content shouldn't be noticeable at all.
> 
> Anyway this notes section is way too formal for what this flaming pile of garbage actually is so let's get on with it

He had never envisioned himself working among humans in a place such as this, but desperate times called for desperate measures— and the situation was, indeed, desperate.

Anankos sighed, glancing around the establishment— McDonald's, he believed it was called— and frowned. If he were to be perfectly honest, he didn't work here. He had simply killed somebody and taken their place and uniform, hoping nobody would mention the conspicuous bloodstain on the shirt. It remained unspoken, the humans likely assuming it was some stain of ketchup or grease. How foolish of them. It wasn't entirely an unfounded speculation, however, as the person whose position he had stolen was a cashier at the business. Nobody seemed to bring up the fact that his appearance had changed drastically in the span of a few minutes; it was late, approximately 2:30 AM, and those remaining working there were incredibly sleep deprived and unable to consciously realize something was off. That, or they simply didn’t care enough about their coworkers to notice a difference.

Playing the part was relatively simple. He merely had to stand there and enter the customers' orders into a "console" where they would be relayed to those in charge of cooking the food. When the orders were ready, they were brought to the front and he would call out their number. The food would be collected and the cycle would repeat. He didn't have to deal with the hassle of the drive—through or actually dealing with food itself— he merely had to remain in place, fiddling around with his thumbs until somebody came and ordered food.

How, the dragon asked himself, had he ended up in this ungodly situation?

As he had brought up with himself prior, desperate times called for desperate measures. He had run out of humans to torture and had decided that turning to a place like this would be exactly the area to find more. True, he had just killed a man less than an hour ago, but he hadn't met his requirements for a plaything. He had been far too... optimistic. Too keen on life itself to give off the perfect mixture of horror and derision that Anankos thrived on. How was such a thing possible when he worked at a place like this? This McDonald's was a breeding ground of negativity. Every customer here idly chewing away at a burger or some fries as they watched the news was tainted by some underlying stress. Why else would they be coming to a McDonald's at 2:30 AM? The man sighing in a corner as he sipped on his coffee was plagued by feelings of loneliness; the woman across the restaurant was worrying about her children she had left at home to enjoy a smoothie by herself. Nobody here was perfect for him— nobody here would satisfy him.

He was alone at the registers, left standing there with nothing to do. Most of the people here were on their ‘phones’ purely to look at some electronic screen that wasn't the television. The man Anankos had murdered had a phone in the pocket of his uniform; he had already messed around with it to the point where he had gotten the device disabled after entering too many incorrect passwords. He hadn't seen fit to peruse the man's mind for the code to unlock the phone before he killed him, unfortunately. So there he stood, closing his eyes for a moment and sighing, the restaurant bustling with idle noises of the kitchen and the chatter of the news channel on the TV.

His mind wandered to how long it would take for the man he had killed to pop up there. It was quite surprising that his body hadn't been found yet, considering the killing had taken place an hour ago and he had haphazardly tossed the corpse into one of the dumpsters. Nobody seemed to notice his absence; perhaps they merely took Anankos's  _ foolproof _ impersonation of the man without a second thought. Well, the man hadn’t had long blue hair like he did. No, he could  _ sense _ a second thought in some people— they just didn't seem to care at all, employees walking from one spot in the restaurant to the next, giving him sidelong glances but not speaking up and asking what had happened to their now missing peer.

What a lovely, caring place for a human to work overnight! Anankos could  _ smell _ the camaraderie.

For a place that prided itself as a ‘fast food’ joint, business was quite slow. A new customer hadn't shown for several minutes now. He wasn't aware of the state of the drive—through, but he imagined it was slightly more active than where he stood currently. Regardless of the status of the other parts of the building, Anankos sighed, pushed a lock of pale blue hair out of his eyes, and remained silent, waiting for his prey to arrive in the form of whoever walked through the door next. He couldn't bear to wait any longer— even going this long without digging his fingernails into somebody's skin was infuriating to him, and he briefly considered massacring the entire group of humans within the premises in a hopeless bid to satisfy his bloodlust.

Then  _ he _ pushed open the doors and walked in.

Anankos knew immediately that the boy that stepped into his field of view was the perfect human to torture. His silver hair tied rather hastily into a ponytail fell sloppily over his shoulder, swaying as he moved towards the counter. Pale yet deep amber eyes flitted from person to person in the vicinity, finally landing on Anankos at the counter; he couldn't help but be amused by the fact that the boy had immediately picked up on the bloodstain on his shirt, the first person to actively realize this and care. He was rather short by human standards, but something about the way he held himself appeared to make him seem even smaller; bags under his eyes on pale skin cued him off to the fact that he didn't sleep well, slightly shaky hands hinted at hidden anxiety. He approached the counter, Anankos looking up to make brief eye contact with him. The boy took a deep breath before speaking, soft voice breaking the state of relaxation.

"Yeah, uh— I'd like a large McFuckingTraitor— hold the McBetrayal. Oh, and a four piece chicken nugget Happy Meal."

...he wasn't particularly well versed in the menu of this establishment, but Anankos could confirm with relative certainty that this business did not offer a 'McFuckingTraitor.'

"Forgive my, ah, ineptitude," he began, voice dripping with a sickly sweet tone as he scrolled through the list of items on the console with one finger, "but this McDonald's does not serve 'McFuckingTraitors.'"

"It better not."

Anankos took a deep breath in through his nose, inhaling the scent of grease and sadness. This boy thought that this was all a joke, didn't he? He had fallen right into his little pun and now he had the audacity to give a sly, insufferable grin. He had the brazen, foolish  _ nerve _ to allow his mind to cloud with feelings of satisfaction to momentarily take away from his inner turmoil. This pathetic piece of human  _ filth _ had the  _ temerity _ to believe that he had won something meaningful.

"Mm. Well," Anankos continued to scroll through the menu, eyes narrowing as he placed in the Happy Meal order, "will the chicken nuggets be all?" He couldn't cause a scene here. He couldn't draw any unwanted attention to himself— no, he had to  _ wait _ . At least wait until he could get the boy on his own!

"I'd also like a..." He squinted, looking up at the menu above where Anankos stood glaring at him. "I'd also like a can of Mountain Dew."

"Would you like any sauces for your chicken nuggets?" he inquired, voice still unnecessarily sweet as he added a bottle of water to the order. He could manipulate the water— spill it on the kid to draw him to the bathroom. The soda could’ve worked, too, but this was far more effective. Then he could—

"Honey mustard, please."

The boy let out another low sigh as Anankos added his sauce to the order, glancing around the restaurant again. It was extremely late for a human this young to be out, and he didn't seem to be accompanied by any parental figure— even easier to kill. He just had to wait for the order to finish being prepared!

"That'll be four dollars and twenty eight cents," he smiled. The boy dug around in the pocket of his oversized hoodie, producing a wrinkled five dollar bill that he placed on the counter in front of him.

"You can keep the change," the boy yawned, covering his mouth with his sleeve. The dragon begrudgingly picked up the bill and placed it in the register's section for money. He didn't understand currency at all. They were meaningless slips of paper! Not even shiny or shimmery… ah, right. He had something he was meant to be doing to keep the act up—

"Your order number is one hundred and seventy two," Anankos read out the number on the monitor, the boy slowly nodding and going to a seat to wait. He couldn't help but long for the sensation of digging his nails into the boy's neck. Oh, how lovely it would be to taste human blood once more! Fresh with the flavor of torment—

"Hey, Florence."

Anankos turned immediately at the sudden voice, the sight of one of the cooks causing him to sigh internally. "What is it?" ...Florence  _ had _ been the man's name, yes? If it wasn’t, he would have to resort to taking the boy and making a dash for somewhere where he could sate his desire to kill— maybe even take this woman along with him to avoid arousing more suspicion.

"Well, I could hear the conversation from the back. The kid ordered a Mountain Dew and you put in a water."

Anankos almost scoffed at the girl before remembering that he had to play the role of cashier. It was absolutely none of her business what he had planned! Worthless wretch— all of the humans here were! Still, he was close. A little bit more waiting and his patience would reward him with sweet, sweet  _ suffering _ ! "...Oh, did he? I, uh, didn't... hear. I'm tired. Haha." He cringed at his own words, but it seemed to satisfy the girl, as she merely shrugged and walked back to wherever she had been. Almost as if on cue, a man wordlessly placed a small red box and a bottle of water in front of him on the counter, murmuring a 'one seventy two' before walking back off.

The dragon let out a sigh before announcing the food's arrival. "Order number one hundred and seventy two, your food is ready." The boy immediately looked back, got up, and returned to the counter. He glanced at the bottle of water next to the box— presumably containing the Happy Meal, what an ironically stupid name— and paused for a moment, but picked it up and shrugged.

"Thanks," he mumbled, walking and sitting back down at his table. Anankos’s malicious red eyes followed him as he sat, watching him pull open the box and eat the chicken nuggets inside. He waited for the boy to open the bottle of water, something he did after consuming a few morsels of food, and with just a thought, the bottle went crashing down onto his lap, dousing his hoodie in water. The boy stiffened for a moment at the sudden cold on his chest and picked up the water bottle, putting the cap back on and setting it on the table as he got up. Anankos turned his head and followed the boy with his eyes as he walked into the bathroom to attempt to dry himself off.

Anankos couldn't help but grin as he stood still until nobody was looking in his direction. No new customers were arriving, and those working in the kitchen paid him little notice. When the coast was clear, he slipped into the bathroom behind the boy to find him pressing paper towels into his jacket, staring into the mirror at his reflection with something resembling existential dread. The cheesy pop music playing in the background of the bathroom muffled the sound of his entrance, and he stood for a moment in front of the door simply watching the boy gaze at his reflection; while most who performed that action did it in a narcissistic sense, Anankos could sense very clearly that the boy was battling some internal feeling of unease.

How amusing.

Anankos took another step into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind him, leaving the two entirely isolated. The boy didn't notice him, still holding the now damp paper towels to his chest and spacing out in front of the mirror, mouth slightly agape. He couldn't help but stifle a laugh at the sheer amount of disappointment within this human; he was one of the most pathetic specimens he had come across in quite some time, drifting into a state of numbness simply by looking at his reflection in a mirror. He appeared to be the type that was scared of his own shadow, too— the word for him was ‘timid,’ but Anankos preferred the term ‘worthless.’

The boy finally took notice of him as he jolted up, shaking his head a bit and glancing around the bathroom as he exited his trance—like state, realizing that there was somebody else in the room with him.

"Can I... help you with something, or do you like just standing there watching people...?" Anankos chuckled at his startled words, advancing until he was standing directly to the side of him, able to see his own reflection in the mirror. The bloodstain on his shirt really was quite evident, and the boy was building up quite the potent feeling of discomfort at his silence. "Why is there blood on your shirt?"

"I'm under no obligation to answer either of those questions," he grinned, leaning in, the boy recoiling at his actions and at the morbidly cold tone in his voice. "Why don't you hurry back and finish your meal before it gets cold? It would be a shame if something were to... happen to it, wouldn't it? Someone could snatch it up before you had a chance to enjoy it..."

"Look. I'm no expert in customer service, but I'm pretty sure this type of behavior is violating several rules and regulations—"

"Bold of you to assume that I work here," he crowed, leaning in so his head was practically touching the boy's face. His mind shifted from unease to internal panic as the boy contemplated using his phone to call his older brother or the police, but Anankos was determined to prevent him from leaving the restaurant— and his sight. Ah, how convenient it was being able to sense surface thoughts! "Why don't you stop thinking of calling for help? I'm not planning to—" he smirked as the boy's hand went instinctively to his damp pocket— "hurt you,  _ Takumi _ ."

The boy froze at the name that Anankos had dredged up from his mind, taking a staggering step backwards as his stressed eyes widened in surprise. "H—How do you know my name...? Who  _ are _ you—"

"As I said, I'm not required to answer any of your little inquiries, Takumi," He flinched again at the low murmur, backing away as Anankos continued to stride forward, footsteps masked by the generic pop tune echoing throughout the otherwise empty space. "Calm down— I'm not planning to hurt you. As of now, that is," Takumi was now  _ shaking _ , backing himself into a corner and staring up at Anankos with terrified eyes. “No, no. I simply need someone to torment!”

Takumi frantically whipped his head around, realizing the predicament he had placed himself in. He was left between the edge of the bathroom and the man standing in front of him with a wide grin— he was  _ trapped _ . That feeling of utter horror was delectable! Anankos’s chuckling broke into rambunctious laughter, though the annoying song resonating throughout the bathroom continued to drown out the sound. How irritating! Takumi’s petrified eyes followed the hand Anankos reached out, expecting him to suddenly lash out and attack him. Instead, Anankos… turned on the sink.

“You’re… going to torment me by wasting water?” he nervously laughed, trying to pretend like he still had some upper hand in the situation. The dragon paid him no mind, however, instead allowing the sink to fill up with water; the drain was clogged by wrappers and what appeared to be two whole chicken nuggets stuffed into the hole, so the water wasn’t disappearing. Takumi’s shaky hand had slipped into his pocket, and he had pulled out a small phone with a glittery turquoise case littered with stickers. Anankos, however, wasn’t worried about that at the moment. No. He needed to  _ shut the damn song off _ . The repetitious lyrics were going to drive him insane if he had to listen to them for a minute longer! “I… I really don’t understand what you’re trying to do here—”

With a flick of Anankos’s hand, a loosely held ball of water had been flung up from the sink at the ceiling where the speaker blasting the song resided. It dissipated into crackling static, still containing hints of the maddening music before ceasing altogether. Takumi watched in shock as the sudden silence in the bathroom was replaced with the sound of the water spilling over the sink’s edge and pooling on the floor.

“I’m not wasting any water at all!” Anankos grinned, turning his crimson gaze back onto Takumi. “I’m getting it into a better position to manipulate…” That phone. The boy would use it to call for help, and Anankos wasn’t going to allow that to happen. He grabbed the device with lightning fast speed from Takumi’s anxious grasp, dropping it into the overflowing sink. The screen turned on, revealing a background photograph of some other humans, before it too succumbed to the water and glitched into nothingness. Takumi fumbled to retrieve his phone from the sink; when he realized that it wasn’t going to turn back on, he instead stared back up at Anankos with a horrified look in his eyes. 

“What— what are you going to do to me?” Ah, that feeling. The boy’s last bit of resolve starting to culminate. Soon he’d do something stupid and try to kick at him or punch him or… really, the possibilites were rather limited. What could a mere insect like him do against someone as powerful as himself? The thought was laughable! Anankos brushed some of his sky blue hair to the side, amused red eyes meeting Takumi’s honey—colored ones.

“That’s a wonderful question!” he cooed, hovering his hand over the basin of the sink to allow some of the water to collect around his fingertips; he wreathed the water between his fingers as he spoke, simply because he was starting to get rather bored again. “It’s not one I can really answer right now, unfortunately for you. It depends on how entertaining you are!” Anankos, quite frankly, wanted  _ blood.  _ He could do that without killing Takumi— simply leave a gash across his face and lick the glorious crimson off— but he wouldn’t hesitate if the boy proved to be particularly defiant, of course. He’d best go ahead and get rid of that pestering determination now… so Anankos reached his non—watery hand out and lightly scratched his long fingernails across the side of Takumi’s face.

“G—Get away from me!” he yelled, recoiling back. As anticipated, Takumi tried to kick at him. The dragon made no effort to move away from the blow, as the pain wouldn’t deter him anyway. Upon realizing that driving his foot into the side of Anankos’s leg did nothing, the boy momentarily froze and then tried to slip away to the side— free himself from being stuck between Anankos and the wall. There was no open space, however, and Takumi kicked his leg again to no avail. Anankos brushed the tip of his finger against where he had scratched Takumi— ah, yes. The cut had drawn a little bit of blood. He licked the blood off of his finger, causing the boy to stare at him with a tinge of disgust having crept its way into his terror. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Quite a few things!” Anankos’s cackling only grew as Takumi tried to push his way through to the door again; he simply moved to the side to prevent him from doing so. “I’m not done with you yet, Takumi!” he chastised, still grinning. Before the boy had time to properly react and defend himself, Anankos had slammed his nails into Takumi’s cheek, swiftly dragging them downwards to leave several small gashes on his face. Naturally, Takumi let out another shriek, attempting more and more desperately to push his way out of the bathroom as Anankos licked the blood from his fingernails. Oh, human blood was so delicious! He could simply lean in just a little bit more and clean the blood off of Takumi’s face directly, but the boy was already holding his sleeve to his cheek. The pastel yellow fabric of his hoodie was beginning to become stained with his blood, and Anankos could see the tears in his eyes.

“G—Get the fuck away from me!” he shouted, voice cracking under his fear. Anankos, of course, didn’t oblige, continuing to clean the traces of Takumi’s blood from his fingers. Perhaps he’d go and tear out one of his eyes! That would leave quite the bloody mess for him to dine on—

The door to the bathroom slowly creaked open and the face of the cook from earlier peeked through, eyes quickly widening in surprise upon witnessing the scene.

“Hey, Florence. Uh, what the fuck?”

Tsk. In a small, enclosed space like this— even if a substantial layer of water was now coating the floor… Was it worth staying and killing the both of them? More would surely witness the carnage and it would leave quite an inconveniently large stack of corpses in front of the door. It wasn’t as if this grimy bathroom had a window or any other way to escape. Anankos scoffed and stepped away from Takumi; the boy remained standing paralyzed in the corner, now crying and continuing to hold his sleeve to his cheek.

“No, Florence— like, actually, what the  _ fuck  _ ?” The girl’s voice was shocked and almost offended; her blue eyes shifted from the person in the corner of the bathroom crying, the flooded sink, the mess on the floor, and finally back to Anankos.

“You really haven’t realized that I’m not Florence—”

“It’s my first fucking day on the job!” she yelled, shaking her head a bit as she turned her head briefly to the outside of the bathroom; apparently she was drawing quite a bit of attention, as she lowered her voice briefly. “I'm reading your fucking name tag! I’m not paid enough to deal with this shit! I’m— I’m going home! Fuck this!” And with that, the girl disappeared, leaving the bathroom door wide open for Anankos to witness the crowd that had formed outside.

It also allowed him to realize that there were several police officers standing there— ah, fuck. They had found the body, it seemed.

“I think you know why we’re here,” one of the officers said, and that was all it took for Anankos to realize that it wasn’t worth staying here anymore. He could simply find someone else to kill somewhere— somewhere preferably without so many  _ witnesses  _ . Yes, he could murder one and continue to slaughter those that came after them, but… It would get tedious after a bit of time, really. 

With that thought out of the way, Anankos  _ ran  _ .

He bolted out of the bathroom, giving the officers no time to comprehend it. There was a forest nearby. He’d make his way into there and lay low for a bit! Simply disappear from their vision during the chase! Before he ran out of the building, however, Anankos snatched the Happy Meal box off of Takumi’s table. After it was secured in his grasp, he dashed out the front door of the McDonald’s, pushing onlookers and employees both to the side as his feet pounded against the floor. Naturally, the police officers went after him, but… well, there was nobody for them to chase after if Anankos suddenly disappeared into the darkness— quite literally, in fact.

He ran for a while, making it well into the forest until he couldn’t see any lights but the moon in the sky. What a waste that had been. All the minutes of standing still and he didn’t even have a second corpse to show for it! Maybe he’d have to invade a Burger King or a Wendy’s later… All he had now was the bloodstained McDonald’s uniform and a slightly damaged Happy Meal box. Anankos opened it up and saw a grand feast of one singular chicken nugget and four fries remaining in the box.

This meal… was certainly not as happy as advertised.

  
  



End file.
